7 Buzzfeed cliches that prove we're all wasting our lives

Sites like Buzzfeed are slowly strangling the internet into a glut of drip-fed, list-based, lowest-common-denominator news articles. Popular thinking apparently dictates that if your idea can't be communicated in 24 animated frames then it probably isn't worth listening to. The proliferation of such simplistic communication has sadly blighted almost all news sources. Take for example The Huffington Post, which originally set out to provide an engaging alternative to print-based media, but has sadly succumbed to click-baiting and the cult of search engine optimisation.

As long as there's ad revenue to be earned this disturbing trend will sadly continue. It's not all doom and gloom though; one large positive to be taken away from from the rapid spread of listomania is that anyone with a tumblr account, or at least a basic grasp of google image search, can be a journalist too! For all would-be online hacks I've distilled the essence of Buzzfeed into seven clear tropes that should form the backbone of any article. Utilise just a handful of these, sit back and watch the retweets roll in:

1. Firstly and most importantly, there are always a seemingly random number of items in the list. No doubt these correspond to the amount of equally cretinous websites said list has ripped off. Bonus likes if it isn't a multiple of five:

2. Jennifer Lawrence, completely free of any context, acting in a manner strikingly similar to a 'normal'. This used to be Emma Stone's forte but her star has faded in the fickle cycle of internet fame:

3. Fucking Glee. Does anyone even still watch Glee? Why is it still such a cultural touchstone? Where are all the Glee fans?

4. Someone from a popular American drama crying, preferably in black and white. Glee can stand in again here if there isn't a convenient 90210 or Gossip Girl moment too hand:

5. A picture embedded from one of our favourite celebrities' Instagram. If they're holding a fluffy animal all the better. In this example the dog is making up for not being a cat with its melancholy human eyes:

6. A jarringly still jpeg which reminds us of a horrific time (the 90s) when a picture could only tell a thousand words. Look how sad and lonely it is, clicking on it doesn't even direct you to another website! 

7. Disney. If in doubt everything can be somehow related to Disney. Look out for '13 things Up teaches us about the Bedroom Tax' and '9 ways The Little Mermaid reminds us of the Scottish Independence Referendum' on your newsfeed any day now:

P.S. If anyone at Buzzfeed or a similar site is reading and wants to give me a job I'll more than happily work for you. I know how to use Photoshop and can name at least 10 Beyoncé album cuts offhand. Thanks.